Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Even before i walked out of my second abusive relationship, i often told God to keep men away from me for i had no desire to enter another relationship, ever. Less than a year after i left, my Children started plotting to get me a “hubby”. The older ones told me i needed to get married, if for nothing else, to ensure that i did not take my ex back, and for companionship. I brushed them off, not understanding the importance of companionship since despite having been in two relationships, i had not experienced it and so it didnt matter to me, as long as i have my Children, i thought.
My older son then suggested that he wished to adopt the younger Children. I said i could not allow it, because i would be lonely. He quickly told me that i was destined to loneliness, sooner than i thought. Because all these Children will eventually grow up and become independent. I visualised that scenario and saw the sense immediately.
I have heard many single or widowed women proclaim that they don’t need a man in their life. But, i think some of them feel quite lonely on their own. For even in the Bible, a woman was only acceptable as a widow at sixty.
Living God’s way means having balance in our lives.
When the Lord made us, He created us all with many in built desires. For example: the longing for fulfilling relationships, the desire to express ourselves, the compelling urge to grow, develop, mature, and indeed to live a full and fulfilling life. All these things and more have been put into our hearts by the Lord Himself.
Many single Christian moms, especially older ones believe that the spiritual thing to do is to ignore these God given desires and to devote oneself to ‘more spiritual’ things. We think that if we speak of our desire to be in a relationship, that we may perhaps be conceived as immoral, weak or dependent on a man.
The ironic thing is that this sort of ‘super-spiritual’ approach can easily lead to feelings of self-pity, self-righteousness and a desire for false comfort, possibly leading us into sin. Pretending not to be in need of a relationship does not make you any more righteous,for God Himself is the author of marriage. He created us with the desires. And all relationships are different, i.e to your Children, spouse or friends. We need them all for balance in life.
Something from the inside will be crying out for these needs to be met, one way or another. We should always remember that, life and death are in the power of our tongue. Do not be ashamed to speak out the desire of your heart. But careless words such as, am not interested in men, am self sufficient, i don’t even have time to date, i don’t need anything from a man, am working on my career hence no need for a man etc. worse, others will tell me, please find me a rich man, however old. Even if he dies on our honeymoon! Are you sure thats all you want in life? Money.and aren’t you forgetting that God is hearing you? The old rich man is also Gods creation, the one you want just for his money. This attitude will work against us when we finally think its time.
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. Ecclesiastes 5:2
In this case we need to repent.
God, i repent for all the words i have uttered foolishly before you. Thank you for your grace in my life. Teach me to think before i speak, for i choose life and not death, always!